Untraceable

Untraceable is a film that made me cringe, not with horror but with repulsion. Honest folks, Diane Lane has never been in a this much of a shitbird film. Lane plays an FBI agent in Portland, evidently the only town in America that has 108 on its FM dial.
Lane and Colin Hanks cruise porn on the Internet so they can catch the evil doers. Actually not a bad job until they raise the wrath of a psycho killer who kills people live on the web. The killer (Joseph Cross last seen in Running With Scissors) doesn't just wake up before dawn, he has such electronic expertise that he can string together a series of slave servers around the world to handle 30 million hits on his death website at once, by wireless remote no less. This is a film for people who mumble when they read and who think that My Space is the Sodom of the web because they heard somebody say so on a talk show.
I'm not through slamming Untraceable, although the one sheet with a mylar mirror is kind of cool. First, Cross looks more like the offspring of Tom Hanks than Colin, and that's just wrong. Next, the killer's website kills its victim incrementally faster as more people log on. So naturally at the FBI office every computer is turned onto the website including the largest fucking monitor in the world in the conference room. Do I need to continue, please say no? Untraceable also features gross torture death sequences that are so relentlessly stupid they wouldn't even be found in an Eli Roth Hostel movie.